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From: "Charlene
Joyce"
To: "Tom Annis"
Subject: RE: First Degree/ Student writers
Date: Sat, 19 APR 1997 02:28:34 -0400
WOW! What a great script! I must admit to being incredibly
impressed by "First Degree". It is hard to believe that this
is a student project.
Outside of the fact that the dialogue was true to its time,
I loved the flashback technique - a story within a story. I
also loved the visuals - especially the cut away of LePage's
boots swinging in the air at the end.
Structurally, I could only find three flaws. They were:
- Hattie Gault chose to lie about
LePage's whereabouts on the morning of the murder. Why is
that?
- The revelation of Waldo
succumbing to Typhoid Fever is misleading. The viewer (or
reader as the case may be) is led to believe that he
either witnessed the event and is fearful, or was the
culprit.
- There needs to be more
definition of time. had it actually taken a year to
convict LePage? How do you account for the passage of
time on screen?
The important thing to remember
when writing a script is its salability. Can you sell the
audience on the idea? Is it truthful? I'd give First Degree
a "Two thumbs up" on both accounts.
Another year, should you embark on a similar project, it
might be interesting to create a "Workshop forum". I would
be more than interested in coming to Düsseldorf with a
"beta" crew to offer hands on experience.
Thanks for the great read. Feel free to have your students
E-mail me with any questions.
All Good Wishes,
Charlene Joyce-Willingham
Producer- ABC Pictures
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